


River's Musings

by Duckiehuey



Series: A Reader in the Stars [2]
Category: Firefly, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 05:34:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duckiehuey/pseuds/Duckiehuey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River's thoughts on Serenity and the crew while being stuck in another dimension.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home

It is 2241 which makes it over 200 years back into the year that I once lived. But the world I live in now is nothing like the world I once lived before.

The people here are not all human. The technology appears to be more advance than anything that I know of. Even my own home planet Osiris did not have the technology that could match what I see today.

The scariest part is that I am currently located on Earth-That-Was. A planet that is suppose to have been destroyed centuries ago.

I don't know how I managed to land on a extinct planet when I was living a life of smuggler just three months ago. And a little over a year before that I was a fugitive with my older brother, Simon. Before that, I was a little lab rat for the Alliance and before that, I was just a normal girl.

I wonder what I will be this time.

* * *

 

My mind is difficult to comprehend. I know this.

I was a young girl eager for the world outside of my little happy home. The academy that the Alliance had offered was ideal and I had imagined how my school life was going to be. No more boring lessons, silly boobs, and a chance to dance was what I thought it would be.

In the end, I was the boob.

* * *

 

At first, it was odd. Performance tests and evaluations came and went. I always talked with a doctor at the end of the day. Then it became wrong. Something was not right and I started to beg for my brother and later I beg to be released. While the less challenging schools maybe boring, I felt safer there. But they said no and I end up doing more and more tests. Soon it became a series of needles, drugs, sessions upon sessions of audio and visual simulations that made no sense to me. I know I passed them and I felt that they knew I passed them. However I could not understand what they wanted from me.

* * *

 

One day, my world exploded.

I vaguely remembered screaming in pain over the claws in my mind. I felt stripped away from the River Tam who lived for thirteen years of her life and all that was left bare was a shell filled with thoughts and emotions that did not belong to her. I believed that I cried for my family, mostly for Simon. I cried and begged for Simon to save me.

No one saved me.

* * *

 

It was days before I had gotten used to the rush of thoughts and emotions. I was half crazed at what I was hearing through my mind. I could never tell if I was talking out loud or in my head. The volume was always the same. However there was still a pain in my mind. Buried deep and would not come out. I tore at my bed to find the little pea. That little pea that hide itself in my mind. It's not mine and I wanted it gone, but it still stayed hidden from me.

When I found it, I knew I had to get out. I had to get away. So I called for Simon to help me.

He found me. I knew he would. Simon always came to help me.

I just never knew what it cost him until it was too late.

He was scared. I could feel that. My brother had no idea what they did to me and I was not coherent enough to tell him. I was once again lost in the thoughts and emotions of others. My little pea once again became lost in my mind. Simon put me to sleep to hide me and we have no idea of the future to keep me safe.

That's when we found her. Simon talked about how Kaylee had talked him into trying _Serenity_ even though he had doubts about it. Silly Simon.

_Serenity_ was perfect.

We became part of her family over the year, even with Simon grumbling about Captain and man-ape. We lost those we loved and found out that we needed each other. I grew from a scared psychotic little girl to a slightly crazy teen pilot of Serenity. I love her and her family. They are my home.

I want to go home.


	2. Malcolm

I don't remember the first time I met Captain Malcolm Reynolds.

For some reason it felt like he was always there in my mind when I lived in _Serenity_. Captain Reynolds was the soul of _Serenity_. As long as he was captain of that ship, nothing would bring her down for long. Simon did not like him because Reynolds was not an authority figure that he could respect. Sometimes it seems like the entire crew could not respect him at times.

However I knew in my shattered mind, Captain Malcolm Reynolds would always pull through for _Serenity_.

* * *

 

His nickname Mal was the Latin word for bad.

Bad things had happen to him. He lost a war against a government he would never support for. There were so many bodies of good people who were under his protection with no graves. There times that he was willing to suffer but had to watch others suffer the same.

He hates pain.

That was funny to me. A man willing to throw down his life for a cause hates pain like a baby. Inara often enjoys poking at a bruise and he would yelp like a dog. He bitches like one too.

On Unification Day, he always gets into a fight. While everyone else is glorifying the Alliance, he thinks of only one battle that made the difference. He can see the blasts, hears the screams, and remembers that he survived while thousands perished during the aftermath.

Inara often thinks of him as a selfish brute with the brain of a walnut and the manners of pig. Zoe sometimes thinks that the Captain has a few loose screws and was too easy going at times. Wash had always been jealous of the Captain because he had Zoe with him longer than his own marriage. Man ape Jayne doesn't think much unless he finds something that seems unfair. Book used to keep talking to Mal about faith and leading him on the right direction. Kaylee always thinks that Mal is a good man while Simon sometimes thinks he's out of his gorram mind.

Despite how many bad points there are, I know that I would always follow him to the end. And I know that he trusts me despite how the cards are stacked against me.

I would follow him to the end because I know that he would always come back for me.

* * *

 

Now I have no captain to follow. I am now studying a PADD and passing as many tests as possible to earn a place here in Starfleet.

I wonder if Captain is getting on fine without me there to back him up. He needs someone to trade looks when man ape is saying something stupid because Zoe will ignore it. He needs someone to assure Simon that the job wasn't as dangerous as it seems and that the bullet hole is only a flesh wound. He needs someone to pilot the _Serenity_ because his skills suck.

No. That isn't right. I need him.

I need him with me when we go out on a job. I need him to believe that everything is going to be shiny because we have each other's backs. I need him to come for me and take me home.

I hope that in the future, whatever that whisked me to this world would take me back home.

_Serenity_ is not her without Mal and Mal is not without _Serenity_.

The Vulcans got that right at least in this place.

Serenity in Vulcan is mol-kom.

It is not the same, but it sounds similar. I like that.

Malcolm is Serenity.


	3. Zoe

Zoe and I were not close until Wash died.

Before, she always had him to support her and make her feel like a woman instead of a solider like the Captain did. For as long as she could remember, the military life was all she knew until she met Wash. Even the Captain didn't think her as a feminine creature and Jayne was too fond of his manhood to try anything about it. At times, she seemed just as unapproachable as Inara.

Now she has no Wash and away from the Captain, she's broken.

They had hopes and dreams once. Zoe wanted to raise a family with him. Wash wanted the same, but he also wanted stability for his family. He could not imagine raising a family aboard _Serenity_.

Now there is no hope for that to come.

* * *

 

I watched her often when she's alone. I could hear her thoughts on memories with him. How they met, how they would sneak in time to be affectionate, and how they laughed at making the Captain jealous at their successful relationship while he was stuck being a boob for Inara were some of the many thoughts that crossed her mind.

She would not accept comfort in another's arms. Her being was loyal to the end and her 'death do us part' ends at her own.

Being certifiably crazy helps when I hug her. She can't just shrug me off without being rude and she always excused it as being lonely with Simon and Kaylee together.

Soon, I started to sneak into bed with her. It annoys her, but since I could hack my way into her cabin if she ever puts up the locks, she just lets me be. Sleeping with someone in bed is nice and Zoe's dreams always seem to calm down whenever I join her. Her dreams usually contain about the war or Wash. Sometimes she dreams about the Reavers. Those are the ones that keep me awake the most.

* * *

 

In the end, she got better. Before I awoke in this world, Zoe was able to go to the bridge without the bad memory of thinking it as Wash's grave. I even caught her fingering the toys that were left on the control panels. She appreciated that the Captain did not throw them away.

Sometimes, when I know she's close by the bridge, I play with the dinosaurs, doing renditions of what Wash use to play.

I hope that she's still okay. I don't know since I'm working on these physical tests. Running around in obstacle courses, shooting down targets, and processing simulations is what I have now. I've gotten used to sleeping with Zoe that it seems odd to sleep by myself.

Captain likes to think that I'm the little chick following her mama hen.

Zoe thinks he's all touched in the head because he's so slow with Inara. I agree with her on that.

 


End file.
